8/15/2023 0 Comments Definition of a gaslighterAccepting that things are less than ideal is the first and most important step towards changing them. We are not powerless, because we get to choose how we respond, even if our choices are limited and things look bleak. The “and” comes in when we not only accept the thing we don’t like, but are able to respond to it in a way that acknowledges the reality we’ve now accepted. You may not agree with what a coworker just said, but you can still accept that they said it (because, news flash: they did). “Yes, and” is about accepting, not about agreeing. It’s important to understand that saying “yes, and” to what you consider a bad idea doesn’t mean that you agree with it. It’s about living and working in the same reality so that we can work together with clarity. At work, “yes, and” is about the same thing. If two improvisers are in a scene that takes place on the moon, and I walk on with “What a great day to be back in Wisconsin!”, I haven’t honored the reality that they’re constructing, and now our scene is confused, just like the audience. In an improv show, shared reality is essential: we’re building a show together on the fly, and every line helps the actors - and the audience - understand the who/where/what of a scene. So what can we do about it? Yes, And Puts Us On The Same Page (The One We’re Writing Together)Īs I talked about in my previous post, “yes, and” is an improv concept that’s all about constructing, honoring, and responding to a shared reality. And on the world - if the climate crisis has taught us anything (and I hope it has), it’s that hiding from reality doesn’t make it go away. Lack of a shared reality, it turns out, can have a major negative impact on a business. An innovation effort that stalls out because team members are all holding different assumptions and views about the latest market trends.A project lead who’s confident she has buy-in from all the relevant stakeholders.but meanwhile, those same stakeholders share their concerns with each other, behind closed doors.The leader who insists - to herself and others - that morale is high (despite the high turnover rate), and no one contradicts her.How often do we try to hide from change by telling ourselves comforting untruths, like “This change isn’t really happening” or “This will get resolved before I have to deal with it” or “If I don’t speak up, someone else will”? Consciously or not, we tell ourselves these things all the time even though we know, on some level, that they’re not true. We don’t know how to say hard things to each other in constructive ways, so we avoid calling out discrepancies between what someone says, and what we see or experience.We have trouble accepting things as they are, rather than how we think they should be.Gaslighting Isn’t The Only Way We Lie To Each Other - And Ourselves - At WorkĮven when there aren’t caricaturish villains intentionally trying to gaslight us, we often have trouble establishing and agreeing on a shared reality at work. If you’ve ever asked yourself at work “am I crazy, or…” you might be a victim of gaslighting.
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